The Furthering Adventures of Rocky: Iron Dog
by A.j
Summary: Tony gets a puppy. Hijinks and headaches for Pepper and Rhodey ensue. Unadulterated crack.
1. The Origin of Rocky: Iron Dog

Title: The Origin of Rocky: Iron Dog

Author: A.j.

Rating: G  
Notes: Once upon a time, Michelle told me she'd only read Iron Man fic if someone wrote "Tony and Pepper get a puppy." This is that fic. (Part 1 in the furthering adventures of Rocky: Iron Dog.)

&

It starts because Tony is easily distracted.

Okay, no, it _starts_ because Tony is a slob and easily distracted. And likes eating bagels while working on highly technical blue-prints of indeterminate nature and isn't paying attention when Pepper walks up behind him.

Pepper's woman enough to admit that half the reason she takes her shoes off after 5pm is so she can sneak up on Tony and make him yelp like a little girl.

"I was eating that!" Is what follows after this one.

Pepper just smirks and eyes the bagel that's face-down on the shop floor. She might have felt bad about it except that Tony built scrubbing robots to take care of the garage, so Juanita and Leo don't have to do any damage control.

"You just weren't paying attention. And now there's jam all over the floor." She eyes it. "Grape?"

"Blackberry, and this isn't good. You know if I had a dog, it would just eat the bagel and jam and I wouldn't have to get the mopping bots out." Later, Pepper knows that she misses the _thoughtful_ rather than _silly_ look because it's 6:30 on a Friday and she's due at the Galleria Theater in forty-five minutes for a showing of _X-Men_ with Nancy from accounting.

So, instead of doing her level best to dispel _this_ little idea, she shoves her clipboard under his nose and wags a pen at him. "Right. I need you to sign this."

He does.

&

Two weeks later, she's running late. There's a traffic jam on the 101 (no surprise) that's been exacerbated by a minor hostage situation. She rolls her eyes when she notices Tony jetting in overhead, making dire observations about his person and how was it that he could build the most advanced weapons systems on the planet, but not actually put a jetpack in her trunk.

She's disgruntled about that all the way up to the mansion. She's actually still grumbling about it when she comes in the back door into the kitchen and goes completely ass over teakettle thanks to a roly-poly ball of fur.

Her head is throbbing - it glanced off the center island - and when the world finally stops moving and she's able to pry open an eye, there's a puppy calmly watching her from about two feet away.

"Oh, hell no," she says, and then swears.

The puppy, all ears and feet just gets up, wags its tail and licks her chin.

&

"You realize that you live on a cliff, right?"

"Are you sure you're okay? That's a really good black eye you've got."

"This is your fault and I'm putting in for workman's comp tonight. Also, you _live_ on a _cliff_."

"Whatever, and why do you keep pointing that out? I'm aware I live on a cliff. I was intimately involved in the building of this house ON this cliff."

"You have a puppy."

"I named him Rocky. He's a mastiff."

"Of course he is, and you _live on a cliff_."

"Will you stop harping on that? WHY are you harping on that?"

"Because you don't actually have a yard."

"There's the rock garden."

"You don't have a yard where little puppies can take a bathroom break."

"Oh."

"Yes, _oh._"

"Well. You are my assistant-"

"I am not walking your dog."

"But you're my assistant! 'Everything Mr. Stark requires', remember that?"

"That wasn't actually an oath, you know."

"Rocky looks kind of funny."

"He's your dog."

"He's cute."

"He's very cute. I'm not walking your dog."

"I'll give you a raise."

"You keep saying that, and yet, no jet pack."

"Are you sure you don't need to see a doctor? Head trauma can be sneaky."

"Never mind. Oh, and you might want to get out the mopping robots."

"Why?"

"Because Rocky doesn't seem very patient."

"What? Oh, that's _nasty_."

"Maybe you can get Happy to do it."

&

In the end (after several fights, a raise, and a Mexican stand-off that ends with Tony agreeing to add a dog run), Pepper walks Rocky. It isn't _that_ bad, and it does get her out of the house for her breaks. Admittedly, she has to schlep up and down the driveway so that Rocky will actually have a place to do his business, but once she brings in a pair of NewBalance sneakers and the blisters heal, she's good to go.

Turns out, he's actually decent company. He, for one, doesn't actually talk back.

"You know, I've known your master for a long time now," Pepper muses to Rocky as he investigates a particularly interesting bush. "It seems like longer than it is, but that's mostly because he's.. well. _Him._ Did you know you were an impulse buy?"

Rocky answers by relieving himself on said bush.

"Mmm. He really doesn't have very good impulse control." She and Rocky make it another fifty feet down the driveway before there's a squirrel and a short but vicious fight about leaving the path. After finally hauling him out of the brush, Pepper makes a mental note to sign him up for obedience training. He's only three months old now. She has no desire to find out where a full-grown Rocky could drag her.

"Actually, you're not that bad." Pepper smiles at the puppy as he wags his tail and snuffles the ground. "Plus, you chewing up all the crap Tony leaves in the living room is pretty great. I've been trying to get him to keep his mechanical stuff in the basement for _years_. This is the best negative reinforcement ever and he totally can't blame me at all."

-fin-


	2. Tony and Pepper go to Target again

Title: Tony and Pepper Go To Target... Again

Author: A.j.

Rating: G  
Notes: Chronologically part 2 in the furthering adventures of Rocky: Iron Dog. (Oh, god, it's a _series._)

&

"We should go to Target again."

Carefully, Pepper set the mug of coffee she was about to drink from down and eyed her boss. She thought he'd gotten over this. "Why this time?"

He waved a shoe at her. Not something that normally happened, and that was saying a lot considering the paradigm shift her 'normal' had gone through in recent months.

She frowned at him. "You need shoes? Doesn't Giuseppe throw a fit when you even look at another shoe store?"

"Ah, Ms. Potts, for once you are not grasping the obvious." He tossed the expensive Italian leather dress shoe at her gently. Confused she looked down at it... and started to laugh. Hard.

"It's not that funny." The pout was obvious, even from across the room.

"It's," she giggled. "_Extremely_ funny. I may steal this and have it mounted somewhere."

Tony just rolled his eyes and flopped down on the other end of the couch, glaring at the snoring mound of puppy currently flopped on his back at Pepper's feet. "_Anyway_, we need to go to Target and get some chew toys. His highness needs to be distracted from my shoe closet with plastic bones and tennis balls."

Still chuckling, Pepper picked her coffee back up and took a sip. "Seriously, this obsession with Target is getting weird."

"Reasonably priced housewares are amazing, Pepper! I'm still using that tool kit we got the first time. I mean, most of the screwdrivers are scrap, but the pliers are the best ones I have." Tony smiled, warming to his subject. "And, really, Rocky doesn't need expensive chew toys. They're _chew toys_. It'd be like flushing money down a toilet."

Pepper just rolled her eyes and reached over with a bare foot to scratch Rocky's belly. The dog waved his legs and wuffled quietly in his sleep, content with the world. He realy was adorable. "You've done that before and didn't mind then."

Tony nodded his head, conceding the point. "To be fair, I was pretty drunk at the time."

"Mmm. You know the manager asked me to make sure you didn't go back after last time, right?"

"Hell, with the turnover, it's probably not even the same guy. Besides!" Tony hopped to his feet, startling Rocky which created a domino effect that ended with Pepper's face covered in dog slobber. Tony just grinned and continued his line of thought. "As of yesterday morning, I own the stock majority for the company. They _can't_ kick me out."

"Oh, god," Pepper finished wiping her face off. "This is going to end badly, isn't it?"

"Come on, Potts!" Tony's back was straight and there was a bounce in his step as he walked towards the garage stairs. "There are rawhide bones to be purchased and cashiers to terrify!"

Pepper glared down at Rocky. "This is somehow your fault."

Rocky just wagged his tail and wuffed.

-fin-


	3. Parts 3 and 4

Parts 3 and 4 of the furthering adventures of Rocky: Iron Dog have been written by other people.

_Puppy Training 101_ is by besyd.

_Short Leash_ is by splashthecat.

They are available here: splash-the-cat. livejournal .com /346435 .html

Please make sure to eliminate the spaces when copy/pasting.


	4. Four Legged Security

Title: Four-Legged Security  
Author: A.j.  
Rating: G  
Notes: I have no idea. Also, fifth in the furthering adventures of Rocky: Iron Dog.

Summary: James Rhodes finds out, the hard way, that dogs keep grudges.

&

Never once in her life has it been the case where her phone going off at 3am precipitates good news. This was true when her roommate drunk-dialed her in college and it remains true after being "Iron Man's assistant" for almost a year.

Although, these days, it usually means that Tony's managed to crash his suit somewhere inconvenient and needs her to winch his ass out of whatever crater he's managed to make. There are exceptions - and _wow_ are those unpleasant and worrying in the worst of ways - but that's the general rule. So, when her _emergency_ emergency line goes off at 3:14am, she gives herself a few seconds to groan, loudly, before snatching it off her nightstand.

"What?"

"Um."

It's not Tony, and Pepper is instantly completely and utterly awake. Her feet are already in the flip-flops she keeps at the end of the bed before she even registers that it's Rhodey's voice at the end of the line.

Recognition doesn't help matters.

"What's wrong?" She hates that her voice is all high-pitched and squeaky. She blames sleep and the fact that the last time Rhodey called her at anything approaching this hour resulted in three months of limbo and a massive can of worms with which she was still dealing. "James Rhodes, _what is wrong?_"

"Er. Well, there's a problem at the house."

Pepper lets this process. Tony isn't at the house. He's in Berlin for a conference on clean energy. She'd packed his bags and nagged him about etiquette, and made him swear on his hot rod that he would go to _at least_ two lectures besides his own, and that he wouldn't be smashed during that one. They'd compromised on being drunk during other's speeches, but it had been more for form's sake. She'd hoped.

Point was, Tony wasn't AT the house. Unless...

"What's wrong? Dammit, James, what is going _on_?"

Thirty miles away, Rhodey sounds sheepish. Suspiciously so. "Well, you know how I was supposed to let Rocky out tonight?"

She blinks. "Yes. Because I had that doctor's appointment in Glendale. And you were going to stay and keep an eye on those things that you and Tony don't want me to actually know about due to plausible deniability."

As if she could miss the _silver armor_ that was suspiciously broader than her boss's. If it weren't for that damn plausible deniability, she'd be having a serious talk with both of them about how dumb they actually were on a regular basis.

"Um, well. There was a _Thing_ and... I just got back."

All of the terror of the last few minutes turned on a dime and aimed itself straight at (retired) Colonel James Rhodes' head. When she was able to speak without screaming - it took nearly fifteen seconds - her tone was frozen. "Did you call me at three in the morning on the _emergency_ emergency line to come clean up dog crap? Because if you did-"

"No, no!" Rhodey's voice was placating and, strangely, freaked out. "No, I'd never do that, Pepper. Ever. No, it's just that. Well."

"James."

His sigh is deep and tired and if she weren't ready to charge over there and beat him with something heavy, she'd have been swayed. As it stood, it was _three in the morning_ and she had a conference call at 7am sharp. Damn timezones.

"Well, I got back and stowed the.. uh. Stuff. Anyway, I got everything put away and I was going to go upstairs to crash out. And, well. Um. Rocky won't let me."

Pepper actually pulled the phone away from her face and blinked at it. This could not be real. She slapped the phone back against her ear. "Explain."

"I went to the doors out of the garage. Rocky heard me from upstairs, and I, apparently, haven't been visiting enough. Or he remembers the jalepeño roll Tony made me give him last time."

Pepper closed her eyes and ran a fist over her eyebrow. In her minds eye, a very specific and hysterical mental image was flourishing. "You opened the doors to the shop before he came charging downstairs, didn't you?"

"Um."

"Where are you?" She's trying not to laugh at this point. Really. She is.

Rhodey's voice is resigned. "On the Land Rover."

She can't help the snigger. "For real?"

"Can you please just come get him to back off?" There is a note of sincere pleading in Rhodey's voice and it pokes a hole in the ballooning laughter locked in her chest. The poor man really does sound desperate.

"I'm assuming you tried waiting until he fell asleep first, didn't you?" She asks this kindly.

"He knew! The minute I put my foot on the hood to climb down, he was up and baying! Honest to god _baying_. And really, what are you two feeding this dog? He's the size of a freaking _lion_."

She's already pulled on a zippy hoodie and grabbed her keys and purse from the front hall table and walking out the door. "Mastiffs were originally bred to hunt lions, James."

"Oh, great, make me feel better."

She laughs but keeps it quiet, mindful of her neighbors and the late hour. "He's probably just keeping a grudge from that jalepeño roll."

"That was Tony's fault."

Pepper just sighs. "Most things usually are. I'll be there in half an hour."

&

Rhodey is, in fact, on the roof of the Land Rover that Tony bought specifically for Pepper to take Rocky to the vet. This was never explicitly stated, but after Rocky hit the 100lb mark and chewed his way through the seats in the retrieval van, the Land Rover turned up with the back seats removed and the open interior covered in non-shed blankets. Pepper got the idea.

Rocky, bless his adorable face, jumped up and ran to greet her with a joyful bark and a quick waist-nuzzle.

"Hi, baby," she cooed, all the while giving him an ear scratch. "Were you protecting J.A.R.V.I.S. from the big, mean Colonel?"

"He was doing so admirably, Miss Potts," the AI's voice sounded richly in the vast room. It had been to everyone's great surprise how well J.A.R.V.I.S. and Rocky got along. Well, if 'getting along' involved J.A.R.V.I.S. egging Rocky's waking Tony up randomly by baying along to John Denver albums.

God her life was strange.

"Ha, ha." James was sitting cross-legged on the roof and Pepper made a slight wincing face at they way it had bowed under his weight. Yeah, that was going to spend a few hours getting hammered out when Tony got back. "Can I get down, now? Please? I haven't slept in nearly thirty hours and have been stuck on the top of this thing for the last two."

Pepper snorted and put a hand on the base of Rocky's skull. "Down boy. You know James. No barking."

The look Rocky gave her was entirely pitiful, but acquiescent.

"You can come down now, James."

He grunted and vaulted off the roof, landing with a solid thud on the garage floor. He straightened up slowly, wincing as his spine corrected itself. "Thank you."

"All part of the service. Although, next time?" Pepper raised an eyebrow and pinned Rhodey with a steely look. It was funny how often Tony – a billionaire and super hero – and Rhodey – an ex-Air Force Colonel – quailed under her glare. Rhodey did so now.

"Yes?"

"Try and be back at a reasonable time?"

He nodded and skidded by her to head upstairs and towards one of the guestrooms.

Pepper and Rocky watched him practically run up the stairs. When he was completely out of sight, Pepper stared down at Rocky and frowned. "Next time, let him come down after half an hour. You know how much I hate waking up in the middle of the night."

Rocky's gaze was mournful, but he gave an acknowledging thump with his tail.

"Right," Pepper sighed. "I'm not going back home. C'mon. We're going to go crash out in the living room."

If Rocky's ears and tail perked up, Pepper didn't mention it.

-fin-


	5. There Goes Rodeo Drive

Title: There Goes Rodeo Drive  
Author: A.j.  
Rating: PG

Notes: Sixth in "The Furthering Adventures of Rocky: Iron Dog". I should probably keep apologizing for this, shouldn't I?

Summary: By the time she and Rocky get kidnapped by a rogue division of PETA, Pepper pretty much has a handle on the whole pet-ownership thing.

&

By the time she and Rocky get kidnapped by a rogue division of PETA, Pepper pretty much has a handle on the whole pet-ownership thing. Technically, Rocky's not actually her dog, he's Tony's. This does not change the fact that she feeds him, walks him, actually did 90 of his training – she never wants to think about the invoice slips she had to process after Tony's attempts ever, ever again – and is responsible for taking him to the vet.

It's only when she and Rocky are ordered, at gun point, into a rusting VW Mini Bus while in the middle of crossing Santa Monica Boulevard that she realizes giving Rocky a routine (and making _him_ stick to it) might have been pleasurable for her organized mind, but a hugely bad idea.

Stupid Mutt Hutt Thursday.

"You aren't serious."

The guy in the red flip-flops and 'Save the Whales' t-shirt waves the gun a little more emphatically in her face. "IN THE VAN, MISS POTTS! You and the dog!"

She resists, barely, the urge to rub the spot between her eyebrows. "You know, you have the safety on, right?"

The masked man blinked and looked down at his weapon, a split second before Pepper's fist meets his face in a text-book perfect left hook. This wasn't her first kidnapping, and the guys from Hydra had, at least, been vaguely competent enough to scare Tony into frog-marching her into self-defense classes.

Not that she hadn't already been taking them. With the same instructor. Since roughly seven hours after That Press Conference.

A quick elbow jab to the solar plexus and Mr. Nylon Stalking On His Face In 90 Degree Weather is gasping in the crosswalk.

Unfortunately for her, she's forgotten about the other guy.

The barrel of the gun is cool against the back of her head, and the man's breath is discordantly sweet against her cheek.

"I believe my associate asked you to get in the van, Ms. Potts."

Sighing with great annoyance and glaring at the thirty or so people across the street currently gawking at the increasingly surreal scene – most of them taking pictures on their cell phones she noted, bitterly – Pepper hopped into the van.

Rocky, ever eager to follow his Pepper, hauls himself in after her.

&

"-take his dog in protest!"

"You know, this was a phenomenally bad idea, right?"

Her butt's cold from the exposed metal in the floor of the Mini Bus. Roughly thirty seconds after the doors had closed, Green T-Shirt and Flip-Flops had started in on their manifesto. The urge to rub her forehead and roll her eyes have been building exponentially since.

Unfortunately, they'd taken her bag, along with her panic buttons. Flip-Flops had even turned off her phone.

Green T-Shirt – the guy who'd gotten her into the Mini Bus – is glaring. It would be more effective if he hadn't been wearing the other nylon sock. As it stood, it took a rather lot for Pepper not to bust out laughing.

The guns helped, but only just.

"You do remember who my boss is, right? And who Rocky's _actual_ owner is." She raises an eyebrow and folds her arms across her chest.

"Why would we kidnap you if we didn't?" Green T-shirt rolls his eyes, but keeps his revolver aimed at her.

"A MURDERER!" Flip-Flops, who is now sporting a rather impressive black eye, didn't seem to feel the necessity. Pepper's pretty sure that Green T-Shirt is the brains of the operation. Such that they are.

"Why this time?"

Rocky, who'd raised his head at the outburst, settles his head back in her lap and gives her the "Treat now?" face. She pats him apologetically, and he wuffled mournfully. These guys were idiots, but they have guns, and she doesn't want Rocky (or her) to get caught in any kind of crossfire.

"He's doing nothing while thousands die in Afghanistan!"

Pepper, abruptly returning to the conversation, blinks. "Are we talking about Tony Stark?"

Flip-Flops turns a bright red in what she assumes is righteous indignation. It might be heatstroke, what with the nylon still on his head, and the growing discomfort of three people and one very large, very warm, puppy in a non-ventilated, enclosed space. Pepper didn't want to make a snap judgment.

"Of course!"

"Big red suit? Took out five weapons caches and saved three small villages? Last week? Ring any bells, guys?"

That really seemed to set Flip-Flops off. "Those are just _people!_"

She blinks some more. Of course they were.

"What my associate is trying to say, is that Tony Stark is doing nothing to protect the _animals_ being killed by his weapons. We're doing this as a wake-up call for him."

Several connections clicked in her brain. There'd been memos. And notes. And an email that the security department had printed out and posted in the break room for everyone to get a good laugh in.

"Oh, my _god_, you're those guys! The ones who PETA kicked out!" Really, it's a good thing they have guns, otherwise she'd be sicking up her lunch laughing.

Green T-Shirt and Flip-Flops had the decency to blush.

"It was a misunderstanding," Flip-Flops tries, his tone incredibly young and embarrassed. "A big one, but a misunderstanding."

Green T-Shirt just sighs.

"A misunderstanding? PETA _banned_ you. For being too extremist." And incompetent, she doesn't say.

"We're dedicated."

"Okay, fine. You have me. What are your demands?"

"Well, we didn't actually want _you_." Flip-Flops has the grace to look sheepish.

Sighing, Pepper shakes her head. Of course they didn't. "You wanted Rocky."

The two men nod. "He's a symbol."

"Of the fact that Tony Stark isn't saving goats. In Afghanistan."

"And other animals."

_Were_ there other animals in Afghanistan? Pepper figures there must be. Possibly, that's their point. "Whatever. Demands, kids. I have a full schedule on Monday and want to get this wrapped up as soon as possible. You." She focuses on Flip-Flops. "Demands in under fifty words. Go."

"Um." The kid had no idea what to do with that. "Money to open a shelter to save the animals victimized by the human conflict?"

"You sold me. You got anything to add?"

Green T-Shirt raises an eyebrow. "You do realize that you're the hostage here. You don't actually have any control in this situation."

Pepper matches Green T-Shirt's eyebrow raise. Obviously, Green T-Shirt has never had a girlfriend of any note. "I'll take that as a no. Drop me off near a pay phone, give me your names, and I'll have a trust set up by the end of the night."

Even the driver reacts to that. Pepper grips Rocky's collar as the van came to a sudden, screeching halt. A beachball of a face ducks through the small dark curtain strung across the front of the Mini. "Are you serious?"

Radiating disdain, Pepper snifs. "I don't 'fun' with people holding guns on me and my dog, thank you."

"You're lying."

Flip-Flops, however, seems convinced. "But Conrad, what if she _isn't?_"

"You idiot!" Both the driver and Green T-Shirt (apparently 'Conrad') reach to slap Flip-Flops on the side of the head.

"What? She doesn't sound like she's lying!"

"She's afraid for her life!" The driver points at her.

"I'm really not." No one paid any attention. She gives Rocky's head another scratch and reaches over to fiddle with the busted door mechanism. The handle is completely missing.

_Damn,_ she thinks, tuning out the escalating argument at the front of the Mini Bus. _Time for plan B._

"Conrad!"

"Mulligan!"

"Ed."

_Seriously_? Okay, that was it.

"Rocky?"

Rocky raises his head and stares, adoringly, at Pepper. She points at Green T-Shirt (Conrad) and Flip-Flops (Mulligan), who were now shouting. "Danger."

&

"Hello?"

"Tony."

"Pepper! How's Rocky liking the massage?"

"We got kidnapped."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, we're fine. Apparently, they forgot that Rocky's a mastiff and tried to kidnap us with a Volkswagen Mini Bus."

"Are you serious?"

"Would I bother lying about something so incredibly stupid?"

"I assume, from your incredibly derisive tone, that you're away and safe."

"Just get Happy to pick the Land Cruiser up from the Rodeo Parking Garage and come get us? We're at the Santa Monica police department."

"I'm going to laugh about this after I finish freaking out, right?"

"Well, everyone else is."

&

"You want me to _what_?"

Pepper sighed and took a sip of her perfectly chilled seltzer water. "Give them what they wanted."

"But!" Tony is sputtering. It is actually kind of funny. It's a rare day when the man doesn't know exactly what to say for greatest effect, and Pepper's petty enough to enjoy it while it lasts. Kind of like the hand-and-foot service she's going to have to endure for the next week, if history is anything to go by.

Getting kidnapped sucked for more reasons than one. Especially when her reward for being rescued involved Tony's incompetent, if sweet, domestic skills.

Pepper pulled the slice of lime out of her drink to suck on and eyed Rocky as he shifted around. He'd flopped on her legs when Tony'd ordered her to stretch out on the couch and 'relax from her ordeal'. Tony, predictably, had spent said time pacing around and ranting about vegetarians.

"I think you should set Ed and Conrad and Mulligan up with a couple million dollars and ship them out to Afghanistan so that they can start their shelter. After they get out of the hospital, of course." Her smile is full of innocence and light.

It, and her words, stop Tony cold, his eyebrows somewhere near his artfully rumpled (400 every three weeks with _Jorge_) bangs.

"_That's_ what those three idiots wanted? To get sent to _Afghanistan_ to save goats!?"

She mmm'd and took another sip of her water. "It's a noble cause."

This time, he caught the gleam in her eye. He blinked.

"Where do I need to sign?"

Pepper reaches down and scratches the back of Rocky's head with one hand, and with the one still holding her drink, she points at the clipboard on the coffee table. "I set it up and highlighted everything while Happy was driving us home."

"Potts," his grin is broad as he signs off on the brand new charity. "You are evil."

"No one touches my dog."

"Hey!"

-fin-


	6. Interlude

Title: Interlude  
Author: A.j.  
Notes: Written because revelininsanity wanted PUPPIES after something I posted earlier, and this was all I could come up with. Fluff with a chaser of crack.

Summary: Pepper never knew that dogs could get colds.

&

Pepper never knew that dogs could get colds. It was perfectly logical that they _could_, but she'd never really given it much thought before - her parents had been fish people - so when Rocky starts backwards-sneezing, she has no idea what he's even doing.

Initially, she'd thought he'd snorted a bug.

She's in the kitchen chopping fruit when it happens. Tony's out in the suit - the L.A. PD had taken to randomly calling him and having him walk through various neighborhoods to attract gunfire so they could pinpoint weapons caches. Pepper is secretly sure that he'd some how worked out some kind of deal to defray the inevitable City of Los Angeles vs. Tony Stark civil damages issues that had popped up after Obadiah beat Tony into that bus.

Plus, despite the rather impressive array of weaponry fired at Tony during these exercises, nothing yet had come close to tank artillery.

It surprises her to realize that automatic cop-killer hollow points being fired at her boss have become the 'safe' option. At least he isn't in Iran again. That hadn't been fun. The last six times.

Pepper tends to use the 'cop' days as a way to catch up on billing reports and invoices and give Rocky an extra long walk down to the beach. And to make lunch without a certain thirty-six-year-old child wandering through and eating half of it.

She's most of the way through slicing up an apricot when Rocky stops mowing through his rawhide chew and, explosively, takes an inward breath through his nose. She blinks and stares down at the dog who looks just as surprised as she does.

Then he does it again.

"Rocky? You okay?"

She reaches down to check his muzzle, brushing his nose on the way down, looking for a bug or piece of lint. Blinks, then puts her fingers on his nose again. It's dry and hot and she'd read enough pamphlets in the vet's office – and who is she even kidding, several books on common Mastiff diseases and prevention – to know that this isn't normal.

"That's not a bug, is it, buddy?"

He takes another implosive breath and lets his tongue loll out.

She rubs his nose and stares.

And then he actually sneezes _properly._

&

"Is that normal?" Hair still damp from her impromptu shower and dressed in sweats, Pepper is doing her level best to keep Rocky calm. Vet trips are always an exciting outing - the Great Squirrel Adventure of 2009 being one example - but this time she'd been too distracted by being covered in dog snot and drool to properly dose his dog biscuits with Ultra Calm.

Unless, of course, heavy drugs were involved, Rocky, much like his owner, _hated_ going to the doctor. And, much like Tony, he did everything in his power to end the visit as quickly as possible. With Tony, this usually meant a constant stream of increasingly sarcastic verbal abuse that usually ended with threatened legal action.

Rocky... is a little less creative, if not any less verbose.

The baying had started as soon as he'd stumbled out of the back of the Land Rover and landed on unsteady legs. It had taken Pepper nearly five minutes of The Finger and The Stern Tone to even get him in the building. She'd even had to use "Bad Dog" to stop him from deafening the entire waiting room.

Luckily, the Ultra Calm had finally, kind of, kicked in and by the time she and the Vet Tech had bodily hauled Rocky into the exam room, he would just give the occasional whimper.

"The reverse sneezing?" Dr. Goethe nods, absently scratching Rocky behind an ear. Her eyes are locked on her clipboard, and Pepper feels a momentary, somewhat inappropriate, spurt of warmth at the sight. One of the main reasons she'd chose the Calabasas Veterinary Clinic for Rocky's care was because from the instant she'd walked into the well-maintained waiting area - complete tough plastic bins displaying treats and wares of various shapes and sizes - she'd known she was in the presence of a master organizer.

It also helps that Rocky tends to go boneless with canine bliss whenever Dr. Goethe scratches an exact spot behind his ear. Pepper has never been able to duplicate the effect, and is terribly envious.

"It's somewhat rare in full grown dogs, but not unheard of." Dr. Goethe smirks at Pepper's somewhat casual look. "I take it they're not reversed anymore?"

Pepper rolls her eyes and pulls at the strings of her gray hoodie. "That would be a definite no."

"Dulce and Gabana?"

"Luckily, no. Relaxed day, so the Max Meara."

Dr. Goethe nods and checks off a box on her chart. "Well, his temp is only a little elevated, but his lungs sounded stuffy. Looks like Rocky Stark has his first cold."

Pepper blinks. "That... makes sense."

"Generally so. I'm going to assign some antibiotics. Stick them in some peanut butter or a piece of cheese and he won't even notice them. Also, make sure he's got lots of fresh water and don't overdo the walks. Let him rest a few days and if it's not getting better we'll do some extra bloodwork."

Pepper nods and looks down at Rocky, who has managed, for the first time ever, to doze off on the lab table. He's snoring.

She pokes him. He doesn't budge.

"Oh, this is gonna be fun."

Dr. Goethe just laughs. "Want me to go get Gina?"

"Yes, please."

&

Surprisingly, Tony greets them in the garage when they get back.

"Hey, where have you two been? Out conquering the wilds of Malibu? No fair you two lazing off while I'm out solving crime."

Pepper snorts and moves around the back of the vehicle to let Rocky out. Gives his head a good rub to wake him up. He'd slept right through the trip to the CVS drive-in. It had been a touch worrying, given his normal propensity to bark at the speaker in a vain attempt to obtain a treat, but what with the Ultra Calm and the cold, she decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Rocky pops his head up, stares around a little blearily and gives Tony a tail thump.

"Yes, we've been lazing. At the vet. C'mon, Rocky. Down we go."

"What happened?" Tony shot an anxious glance at each of them in return and Pepper mentally kicked herself. It hadn't been all _that_ long since they'd gotten kidnapped. The threats of micro chipping (on her) had finally tapered down to three memos a week.

"Oh, nothing serious. Rocky's got a cold."

The dog in question thumps his tail again and manages a particularly deadly set of puppy eyes.

Initially, Pepper had thought getting Rocky was a phenomenally bad idea. Mostly because she already had one unruly male to wrangle and had no desire to add a puppy to the mix. She'd softened considerably – okay, _completely_ – since, but it is moments like this: where Tony visibly melts in unrestrained affection, that make her thank her lucky stars for Tony's completely hair-brained idea.

She'll never regret Rocky. Even if he eats her heels. Again.

"Poor dufus." Tony leans in past Pepper and gives Rocky another head rub... then runs his fingers over his nose, just like Pepper had up in the kitchen.

Just like in the kitchen, Rocky sneezes.

"A cold?" Tony's eyes are shut and Pepper has to bite her fist and look away.

"Mmmph."

"That explains your sweat suit."

"Mmm." Pepper bites her lips and can't help a few soft snorts of laughter before heading quickly towards the bathroom. "I'll get a towel."

"You do that."

-fin-


End file.
